Doubts & Intimacy
by seh28
Summary: Part one of my sequel to An Unlikely Two. Make sure to read that one first. Dan and Blair's struggles as their relationship evolves. I do not own these characters. They're just pretty amazing together. Please REVIEW and tell me what you think!
1. And Would You Get Them If I Did?

_Author's note:_

_This is part one of the sequel to my last DB one-shot "An Unlikely Two" so if you haven't read that yet, I suggest doing so. This is a bit lengthy and part two might be even longer, sometimes I get carried away but I want to personally thank every single person who takes the time to read my work. It means so very much. Oh, and please REVIEW, even if it's just a couple words, it helps me so much knowing what people really think. Thanks guys!_

_Doubts & Intimacy_

_Un:_

_Certain things by definition need to be properly analyzed and determined, they had to be studied and adequately classified. There was never any room for uncertainty. At least not for Blair. The level of control that she held so close to herself on a day-to-day basis was just as important as the jimmy choos on her feet or her berkin bag or her Hermes scarf. It was an identifying mark on who she actually was, who she thought herself to be and who she wanted to become. It's all about having the proper positioning and the knowledge to get something done. It was all about having the upper hand. That's how you get ahead in life. That's how you get what you want. That's how you win. Strangely enough, this wasn't at all how her relationship with Daniel Humphrey had manifested itself. The entire nature of their situation and what had been happening between them in the past four weeks was not explicitly stated nor defined by either one of them. It all just happened naturally, without pressure or overt obtrusion. Though Blair would fall into her perpetual neurosis and have minor meltdowns about them seeing each other, she was often over it and in his arms within a matter of twenty minutes. He didn't ask her to explain herself or how she felt. He would listen with his kind eyes and his reasonable notions would calm her. She had been at the loft incessantly in the last few weeks, Dan would suggest changes of scenery and she would emphatically protest the idea, switching back and forth between wanting to be with him uninterrupted and risking the inevitability that someone would see them and it would be all over Gossip Girl within a matter of minutes. They would of course bicker, about silly monotonous things, they would get frustrated with each other's lack of agreement or excessive, intentional denial just to attempt to prove the other wrong. They would spend entire evenings over wine or coffee and dinner, talking about the ocean and the sky, the Roman god's, childhood memories. They would discuss their favorite authors: Williams, Atwood, Bronte, Hemingway, Plath, and Byatt just to name a few. Dan would write, Blair would read. Sometimes his material, but most of the time he seemed shy about what he was working on and hadn't yet finished. They would watch movies, they would talk politics, they would tell jokes, they would play word games. They would just exist in each other's company so intrinsically confident and self-assured. So easily and unabashed. And yes, there was the physicality of certain situations. They would often find themselves in each other's arms and connected at the mouth, but things never went past second base. Both of them seemed to have an unspoken agreement that entering sex into the equation was likely to blow a lid on the entire operation. If they were to poll 10 anonymous people about whether or not they had been intimate, all 10 would have guessed yes confidently. They even slept together some nights; rather, slept next to one another. Blair's body curled up next to his, his arms around her, they would sometimes hold hands and he would play with her hair. They were this profound mix of indescribable comfort and normalcy and undefined and dangerously undisclosed verbal confirmations. An explosive combination._

_Deux:_

"_I'm surprised you've lasted this long." Dan spoke thoughtfully as he fixed his gaze on her. Blair looked up from the book she was reading and her eyes caught his. They hadn't been entertaining conversation for the past 20 or so minutes and she was mildly interested in what he meant._

"_Excuse me?" She posed, propping her elbow on the couch as she studied his face, his eyes, his mouth, the line of his jaw. Both of her legs were strewn over one of his and bent at the knees, she was angled toward him and nearly in his lap but not quite. He looked at her with slight trepidation, anticipating the type of reaction his next statement was going to garnish. _

"_Cooped up in Brooklyn, in a loft no less." Dan offered easily. A small smirk played on Blair's mouth as she watched him. He was so unknowingly endearing._

"_It's not that bad," Blair lamented loosely. "Besides, I couldn't possibly sneak you in and out of the penthouse this much. What with Dorota and Serena, my mother… we really couldn't risk it."_

"_There are other places we could go, we live in arguable the most incredible city in the country." _

_Blair's shoulders straightened as her arm fell across the back of the couch and her fingers gently grazed the back of his neck. She felt slightly guilty, but her intrinsic apprehension outweighed it._

"_Humphrey, we've been over this. We really can't be seen in public together."_

"_You know, it does little for my ego that you feel the need to hide us like some secretive mission in the CIA." Dan replied, the underlining irritation was hard to miss._

"_Dan.." Blair started._

"_Blair, it's just kind of ridiculous," Dan interrupted. "We spend so much time cooped up here, I'm getting stir crazy. I want to take you out to dinner, I want us to be able to walk through Brooklyn…"_

"_Humphrey that's sweet but you know I'm not walking anywhere in Brooklyn." Blair cut him off seriously. _

_Dan looked away from her for a moment and a small chuckle escaped his mouth involuntarily because even when he was trying to get a certain point across she was there with her stubborn distinctive resolve._

"_Point taken." Dan mustered, his hand rested on her leg as he looked back at her almost conceding. "I'd suggest the city but that seems almost unfathomable considering you're dead set on having no one spot us."_

"_You do realize that my reputation would be annihilated if it came out that we were seeing each other." Blair proclaimed seriously, her eyes darting over his face. She was trying to assess whether her words were getting through to him. Whether her plight was penetrating his intention for public displays._

"_That's a tad bit melodramatic, Blair." Dan replied gently as he gave her leg a squeeze. She was starting to spin like a top, he could always tell when she was about to go on her tangents about social importance and maintaining images._

"_It is not. My reputation would be ruined." She countered matter-of-factly. _

"_It doesn't matter," Dan sighed. The expression on his face was serious. "I don't care."_

"_Well of course you don't care," Blair sighed, tilting her head slightly as the hand that had been on his neck traipsed over the length of his shoulder. "You've never cared what people think about you. That used to irritate me. But I'm not like you. I'm not indifferent towards what people think and say. I'm not brave."_

_The last part came out in a bit of a whisper. Like a quiet self evaluation. Blair's eyes dropped as she picked at a loose piece of thread on his shirt. Dan instantly felt that he shouldn't have brought it up, that he shouldn't push her. But then he reasoned that they couldn't possibly stay hidden in that loft for all of eternity. But his heartstrings still pulled relentlessly inside of him. She was so unequivocally debilitating at times. His hand went to her chin gently, as he lifted her face to level her eyes with his. _

"_You're just fine." Dan assured her gently._

_Trois:_

_Blair was grappling with an unfamiliar feeling. She wasn't really sure what it meant or where it's root lay but it interrupted her thoughts every now and then as she tried to read. A Streetcar Named Desire was riveting beyond a doubt but her real life was dueling it for space in her consciousness. She felt unnervingly content physically in her current position. Her back was propped up against pillows as her legs sprawled out comfortably on the bed she was laying on, her right hand was holding her book while her left hand had a much more exciting physical occupation. It ran lightly through Dan's soft dark hair and gently over the tops of his shoulders. His head lay on her stomach, his arm wrapped firmly around her waist. His breathing was even, the rise and fall of her chest as she breathed was in total synchronicity with his. He'd been sleeping for at least an hour as she attempted to read, but between the excellence of Tennessee William's words and the immaculate warmth and satisfaction she felt running through her veins at their visceral connectedness, even though both of them were fully clothed, didn't keep her thoughts from overtaking her. Blair stared blindly at the pages as her mind raced and her fingers delicately grazed over him. She was trying to figure out when this all had happened. When they had arrived at this particular destination. If she wasn't already so affected by him she might've continued to try denial and refusal. How had they become so inherently compounded? How did it work so effortlessly? How was she going to make sense of all this? These feelings she was starting to feel grew from deep inside, at the pit of her stomach and reached up through her throat, threatening to spill out of her mouth if she wasn't careful. If she wasn't deliberate and thoughtful, if she didn't assess everything she would be risking for a guy from Brooklyn. She still dealt with moments of disbelief. I mean, come on. It was Daniel Humphrey for Christ's sake. Her clear nemesis, an irritating contrivance, her best friend's ex boyfriend. She felt slight guilt in her stomach when she thought of Serena. And whenever she thought of how she would react if she found out, her thoughts would then immediately switch to Chuck. On impulse and by habit she felt extreme perplexing uncertainty and doubt. A part of her felt so distant and cut off from the girl she had been not so long ago, always seeking his approval and his attention. Another part of her still felt very much enamored with the idea of him, with the idea of them. She had held it so close to her heart like a beacon for so long it felt foreign to think of the possibility that she had been wrong. That he had been wrong. That he had been wrong for her and to her. She tried to think about the two of them in a more objective and realistic fashion. It blew her mind how what she had with Dan wasn't anything at all like what she had been accustomed to with Chuck. Chuck was thick manipulation. Whether it was with power or money or sex. He had ran the game effortlessly and had managed to wrap her tightly and neatly around his finger. She still felt the effects of it, though they were lessening more and more as time went on. She cursed herself for the endless amounts of excuses she had delved out in his defense, she was still guilty of rationalizing his behavior in her mind from time to time and it almost infuriated her. Blair looked down at the top of Dan's head and a slight smile formed on her face, breaking down the tumultuous thoughts of Chuck. Dan was absolutely nothing like him. He was not manipulative in any way, shape or form. Though he didn't have the means to use as Chuck had. He didn't have the power or the money, at times that relieved her and at other times it made her uneasy. They hadn't had sex so that wasn't something he could use against her. Not that he would, in any case. If they were to have sex… Blair took a deep breath. Who was she really fooling? It was more like when they had sex. Her blood went a couple degrees hotter at the thought. She couldn't imagine the degree of complexity and the magnitude that would undoubtedly surface full force once they did sleep together. She had a hard time thinking about it as an inevitable occurrence. So many parts of her wanted to so badly but her more logical mind knew that they wouldn't be able to turn around once they went to that point. They would be in even further over their heads. Everything that had been working so seamlessly and amazingly would be quadrupled immensely. The intensity would be impossible to do anything but directly deal with. She didn't know if she was prepared for that. She was certain she wasn't prepared for that. Even though the way their bodies melded together on that bed sometimes made her desperately want otherwise. Suddenly Dan's entire body tensed up and he jerked in his sleep, scaring himself out of it. He squeezed her tighter to him as he rose his head to look at her. Her hand carefully traveling from his hair to the side of his face._

"_Hey," Blair said gently, it had startled her when he twitched like that so suddenly. "What happened? Are you okay?"_

"_Yeah," Dan replied his voice laced with sleep, as his sleepy eyes adjusted to her face in front of him. "I was dreaming."_

"_About what?" Blair asked thoughtfully. She found it adorable and sweet that he had awoken from his dream in such a way, it made him seem so innocent and vulnerable. She felt this instant need to take care of him._

"_It was about you actually," Dan sighed as he dropped his head back to her stomach and took a deep breath. _

"_Should I even be curious what was taking place?" Blair pondered aloud. "Judging from the way you woke, it wasn't positive."_

_Dan's hand moved over to her arm and his fingers tentatively grazed the sensitive skin on the underside of it as he recalled the images that had seemed so real to him._

"_We were at a park. I don't know where, but it wasn't anywhere here I don't think." Dan began. "We were on the little merry-go-rounds with the handle bars, just talking."_

"_Hmm, obviously a dream you would have because I wouldn't subject myself to the germs on public park equipment." Blair offered lightly._

"_Semantics." Dan replied with a wave of his hand. _

"_What were we talking about?" Blair implored as she began gently rubbing the back of his neck._

"_Concert pianists. Rachmaninov in particular."_

"_Oh? Sounds like something we would discuss."_

"_I know," Dan whispered. "And then just like that you were gone. We were laying there, spinning around and all of a sudden you weren't there anymore and I was talking to myself." He paused and the silence between them hung in the air like pollen. While she was thinking of how to respond, he continued. "Then some little girl ran up to me and told me you had ran away."_

"_Don't you think I'm a little too old to be running away, Humphrey." Blair questioned._

"_Literally, perhaps." Dan responded, tracing small shapes on her arm with his finger. "Figuratively is another story entirely."_

"_You think I'm going to run away?" Blair countered lightly. The tone that their conversation had suddenly taken was something unexpected._

"_Haven't you already tried?" Dan answered honestly, as he looked up at her, wrapping his fingers lightly around her arm. Blair lost her clarity of thought for a brief moment, his eyes were drilling into hers, she wasn't sure how to properly respond to that question. She had in fact tried to, though weakly, dismantle their entanglement. She had been unsuccessful every time. _

"_Haven't you always stopped me?" Blair replied softly. _

_Their eye contact spanned the length of several seconds, neither of them uttered another word. Dan carefully lifted himself on his elbows on either side of her body as he leaned towards her, her eyes fluttered closed, and the expectation of the impending kiss was palpitating. No matter how many times they had kissed it was always new and different in some way. He brushed his lips with hers gently, not initially forcing any further contact. His lips captured hers suddenly and with purpose as she placed her hands on his shoulders, needing to stabilize herself, more so symbolically than in actuality. Blair breathed through her nose and responded earnestly to his slowly prying lips as she gripped his shirt. He always kissed her with such expertise, heightening all of her senses, thoroughly capturing and exploring her mouth. He kissed her with no expectation of anything more; he kissed her simply for the sake of kissing her. Because he couldn't help himself. _

_Quatre:_

"_I'm gonna tickle you if you don't let me be." Dan threateningly declared as he sat on the couch watching Blair's eyes gleaming with obvious pride._

"_Oh stop it," Blair exclaimed excitedly. " It's such a good idea. Cedric needs someone to keep him company."_

"_Blair, I'm not going shopping for a Cabbage Patch kid."_

"_Why not?" Blair asked expectantly._

"_Because I'm way too old for that and so are you." _

"_You aren't too old to still have Cedric. And to still address him as Cedric, no less." Blair reasoned. "What's the difference?"_

"_I'm not just going to throw him away." Dan exclaimed seriously, like the thought alone hurt him._

"_I think you're being a bad sport." Blair said easily as she eyed him in a challenging way._

"_Bullshit, I am not." Dan replied shortly._

"_You know they say that people only use obscene language when they lack the creative capacity or vocabulary to reply intelligently."_

"_I just lack the energy." Dan countered, not missing a beat. He reached over and pulled her closer to him._

"_Don't even try it," Blair replied seriously. "You're denying my fun idea." She looked up at him with a straight face. He looked at her and smiled._

"_I just wanted you closer, that's all." Dan replied sweetly as she draped his arm around her shoulder. _

"_A likely story." Blair countered._

"_Will you come with me?" Dan asked lightly as he continued looking at her._

"_Where?" Blair asked confused._

"_Did we suddenly change the topic of conversation without my knowledge?" Dan bemused sarcastically. "To go get Cedric's friend."_

"_If we enter and exit the store at different times." Blair admitted honestly._

"_Waldorf, come on…" Dan exasperatingly exclaimed, as he rolled his eyes and pulled his arm back._

"_Oh stop," Blair implored. "Let's not even start." She reached out to grasp his arm which had just left her shoulder._

"_Blair," Dan sighed, he seemed tired of this charade. He didn't continue his thought verbally. She was gazing up at him with those doe brown eyes and clutching his arm in such a way he was infinitely distracted. The way she was looking at him instantly put him off balance._

"_You have a good mouth." Blair murmured as her eyes fell on his lips._

"_Stop," Dan whispered, fighting to find his voice and his nerve. "You're intentionally trying to change the subject."_

"_Regardless of what we were talking about prior to that proclamation, you still have a good mouth. That doesn't make it untrue. I rarely pay you… I rarely pay anyone anything that resembles a compliment. You should say thank you." Blair explained sweetly._

_The corners of Dan's lips twitched as he fought back a smile. She was so damn charismatic and absorbing when she wanted to be. Underneath her toughness and impenetrably defiant exterior, she had the capacity for sweetness. Even though she wasn't naturally inclined to it. Dan leaned over slowly and brushed his lips against the side of her face. He pulled back to assess her reaction._

"_Was that your display of gratitude?" Blair questioned, she had attempted to sound like she disapproved more than she had. It was a sweet, unexpected gesture that made her heart flutter just barely._

"_Yeah, it was." Dan replied as he slowly pushed a lock of rich brown hair out of her face. "You should say thank you."_

_Cing:_

_Blair felt a sense of unease, she knew where it stemmed from and what it meant and if she knew anything about herself she knew she wouldn't be able to hold it in. They had just shared a wonderful dinner and had finished doing the dishes, there was some random talk about something she couldn't even recall, though it had just happened. All she could think about and focus on was that he mentioned Serena casually and as soon as he had done so Blair's mind starting racing a mile a minute. She knew that she was probably grossly overreacting but before she could get a handle of her emotions, they were absolutely brimming at the surface. She leaned on the kitchen counter, her hands gripping it for leverage. Her back was to Dan as he was near the television, looking through DVDs trying to find one in particular. He was talking, she could hear the sound of his voice but she had completely tuned him out, she wasn't listening to the words that were coming out of his mouth. She took a deep breath, praying for the strength to not automatically turn into a raging insecure mess. She turned around to look in his direction and watched him sift through the movies, for almost a millisecond she thought of not saying anything but her emotion quickly won over that brief moment of sanity. _

"_What are we doing?" Blair asked pensively. _

"_We're about to watch 'Rear Window' if I can find it," Dan replied absentmindedly. "I swear it was over here som-"_

"_No," Blair interrupted him shortly. "What are WE doing?"_

_Dan didn't turn around, nor did he slow the intensity with which he searched for the movie. His hands worked quickly as we filtered through different movies and books, as well as miscellaneous objects that were just preventing him from locating what he was searching for._

"_We as in, you and I?" He questioned distractedly._

"_That would be the particular we I am referring to, yes." Blair responded, her voice laced with something unfamiliar and indistinctive. That permeated his preoccupation and made him turn to look at her. The expression on her face was a mixture of hope and fear and discomfort. Uncertainty was lining the angles of her cheekbones._

"_What, Blair?" Dan asked quietly, trying to determine whether he should close the gap between them, he felt these conversations were always more effective when he was closer to her. "What do you mean?"_

"_What are we doing?" Blair repeated, her voice sounded both calm and frantic at the same time. "What is this thing?"_

"_Are you asking me to define it?" Dan questioned carefully._

"_I'm asking you to make sense of it." Blair responded swiftly. "I mean, what are we doing really?"_

"_We're enjoying each other." Dan replied easily._

"_This whole thing is just absolutely preposterous in nature." Blair exclaimed. "I mean we're cohabitating like we're married. We spend an alarming amount of time together in this god awful loft."_

"_Well let's go," Dan countered calmly. While her panic started to escalate, he remained as in control and un-reactive as he usually was when she started flying off the handle._

"_What?" Blair questioned breathlessly, she was all revved up with delusions and attempts at blatant sabotage but his quiet, controlled presence made her hesitant._

"_Let's go," Dan repeated softly. He took a couple steps towards her and paused, studying her face. He was trying to discern if he should continue to move towards her. "Let's go right now, anywhere in the city we can go right this second. Except…" He trailed off, his hands raised in a display of surrender._

"_Except, I don't want anyone to see us." Blair finished his sentence lightly. She had lost half the punch of her ammunition but she wasn't giving in that easily._

"_Ding, ding, ding." Dan replied with a slight smile, though his voice was heavy with something she couldn't quite place. "Tell the lady what she's won."_

"_Don't try to be cute," Blair breathed as she folded her arms curtly across her body. Closing herself off to him, just in case he started to move closer to her, which she would bet was an impending fact. "We're still being unreasonable and unrealistic. I mean, I'm playing house with Daniel Humphrey for goodness sake. My best friend's ex-boyfriend, while he's undoubtedly still in love with her."_

"_You shouldn't assume things." Dan replied firmly._

"_Oh please," Blair scoffed. "I'm been living in the shadow of Serena Van Der Woodsen for the latter part of my life. I know when I'm filling in for her absence."_

"_You have no idea what you're talking about." _

"_Oh, don't I?" Blair replied. "You bringing her up over dinner didn't make it hard to miss."_

"_So because I mentioned Serena's name at dinner you are going to assume you're just a replacement for her?" Dan questioned, he was terribly offended that his integrity was being called to question, even though deep down he knew Blair was trying her best to throw a wrench in things because she was scared. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize mentioning her was going to cause you to completely fabricate what's going on here."_

"_You and Serena have been on again off again more times than I care to recall, you can't tell me there isn't something still there."_

"_One of the very first things I told you," Dan began as he slowly closed the gap between them. "Before any of this really started, was that you weren't just a substitute for Serena."_

_Blair pressed herself back against the counter in an effort to put as much space between them as possible. Dan didn't completely infringe on her personal space initially, he stopped a few feet in front of her. He searched her face and wondered why she felt the need to do this. Why she felt the need to bring up things that were such a cause for contention, why she would work herself into these frenzies and why she was so diabolically unsure of the two of them together. When, in actuality, they seemed to work magically when she wasn't trying to convince herself of their impeding doom._

"_Why do you do this, Waldorf?" Dan asked softly._

"_I'm not doing anything, Humphrey." Blair countered, mocking fictitious disregard._

"_I would go anywhere with you right now. I'd walk the streets of Brooklyn, the city, hell even Madrid, all the while holding your hand. I'd scream your name at the top of my lungs for everyone to hear but I can't, because you don't even want to be seen with me. Because I'm not good enough for you. So really, who should be the insecure one?" _

_Dan's words, one by one, hit Blair in the face. The impact they carried was unexpected and weakening. Her heart raced and sank all in the same moment. She was overcome. She was in disbelief. She felt elated and horrible all in the same unexplainable second. Silence passed through the distance between them as his eyes pleaded with her, and her eyes softened in actual disbelief. _

"_You're right," Blair forced out in a whisper once she found her voice. "You're right and I'm wrong."_

_Dan took a deep breath and closed his eyes momentarily. Thankful that it appeared they had avoided implosion. He looked back at her briefly before lightening the tone of the conversation. _

"_Yeah well, that might happen a lot." Dan joked lightly. "Me being right and you being wrong."_

"_Where did you come from?" Blair asked in a bare whisper, clearly affected by his words. Her drastic change in focus floored her. She could be at a fifteen and he could take her down to a two in a minute flat. _

"_Brooklyn." Dan replied simply._


	2. A Picture Of You Holding A Picture Of Me

Author's Note:

This is Part two, which is comprised of one long scene, I gave it two numbers for that reason. I think all together the story will end up being three parts. I hope it's clear that the story is divided into scenes within each part, the way they are divided really has no real significance, it's just fun but I hope it doesn't throw anyone off. Thank you so much for reading! Again, reviews make me happy! I'd love to know what you think.

Six and Seven:

Dan was utterly consumed. He thought to himself what a great and wonderful invention a light switch for the thoughts in your head would be. How simply easing and gratifying it must be to have the option to turn the switch down when you had too much of the swirling of countless thoughts and scenarios and memories. Wouldn't it be glorious to cease the tension in your head, the quickening of your heart and the sickness in your stomach by the unstoppable slide show behind your eyes?

He sat in an oversized chair, spread out, hands hanging loosely on either side of the seat. He had sunken so far down he was barely even upright, his legs sprawled out carelessly in front of him. The loft was completely dark, he wondered briefly if she was even coming. His eyes were closed as his brain continued to work on autopilot. He wondered for how much longer he could keep this up. He wondered how much more of this his ego, his heart, his emotions could take. It was as if she took him out to sea, pushed him in the water and asked him to swim for her amusement. While the water was refreshing and invigorating, it was also dangerous and occasionally volatile.

It almost alarmed him how completely immersed he was in Blair Waldorf. They spent so much time together that it seemed unnatural and unhealthy for her to be the focus of his thoughts when she wasn't in his presence. He was starting to feel tremendously for her and it absolutely petrified him because she was so irregular with her emotions and actions that sometimes it made his head spin and his heart palpitate. Then sometimes she would have these breathtaking moments of clarity and gentleness that would caress and then suppress his worry and other times she would exemplify repeatedly all the reasons why what was taking place between them should not be taking place and why it was of the utmost importance for it to stop at once. The deeper in he got the more frightened he was that one day she was going to convince herself unequivocally that this whole thing had to end and no matter what he said he wouldn't be able to sway her in the other direction. He didn't want this to be such a struggle because when she allowed it to, it perpetuating itself with such ease. The imbalance of it all stung and bruised him in such a way that it was hard for him to procure his usually footing.

He heard the door handle rattle as it drew him back to reality from the clutch of his overactive imagination. He knew it was her, though he hadn't been certain she would even come, it was so late already. The door finally swung open and he saw the outline of her form in the dark room entering almost hesitantly.

"Humphrey," Blair called delicately, her eyes trying to adjust to the darkness.

"I'm right here," Dan muttered from where he sat.

"Why are you sitting in the dark?" Blair wondered aloud as she closed the door behind her. Something in her voice was unrecognizable. He caught it almost immediately as she spoke. He wasn't sure what it was but it was definitely present.

"No reason." Dan replied clearly. He studied her outline in the dark, her presence seemed curious and intentional. "The lights behind you."

Blair reached for the switch suddenly and quickly flicked it on. Dan's eyes adjusted to the light rapidly as the image of her bathed him unexpectedly. His breathing facility was instantly rendered defective. Blair stood barefoot, black Christian Louboutin sling backs held by the hook of her finger, a black lace dress hugged her every curve, though the neck of the dress wasn't low cut, it was much shorter than anything he'd seen her in previously. She was usually all elegance and class, this dress was a whole different animal. It's material clung to her every inch in a marvelously debilitating sort of way. Her hair was a mass of loose, flowing curls, her cheeks were tawny, her lips pale, her eyes smoky. She had obviously come from a prior engagement. The fact that she looked like that and had been anywhere for any member of the male population to see her made his heart clench abnormally. He digested the image of her before him as she tilted her head and smirked. Dropping her shoes swiftly as she descended towards him. She stopped in front of him, their knees barely touching. There was something different about the look in her eyes he assessed, something foreign. It was intriguing.

He turned his hand upward, beckoning for hers silently. She slid her hand into his slowly, as she looked down at him, her hair tumbling into her face. He felt a strange inherent need to pull her on top of him; he resisted it emphatically.

"Look at you, brooding all silently in the dark," Blair observed teasingly. "Materializing artistic stereotypes, I see."

He instantly recognized what he had earlier distinctly heard in her voice. She had been drinking. His heart secretly ached as he thought about her intoxicated, out in the city, in that dress no less. He swallowed silently, trying to obliterate his indescribable fixation.

She climbed into his lap, seemingly reading his earlier thought somewhere in the middle of his mind. Her legs folded neatly over both of his, crossing at the ankles, her bare toes sunk into the corners of the cushion. She leaned over and kissed him softly on the cheek. Her scent drifted deliberately into his nose. She even smelled different. Almost weakening. His head spun slowly, he briefly had an internal struggle of where to put his hands. One fell loosely at the small of her back and the other draped over the arm of the oversized chair.

"I missed you," Blair whispered softly as she put her face in his neck briefly.

"Where are you coming from?" Dan questioned lightly, clearing his throat. He purposely avoided her soft declaration. Blair pulled back, leaning against the arm of the chair.

"I was supposed to go to this monotonous soirée, but I just wasn't in the mood so I skipped it." Blair ranted emphatically, she blended syllables together abnormally.

"Where did you go instead?" Dan asked, trying not to seem as if he was grilling her, but more like he was interested in the night she had.

"No where fun," Blair answered seriously as she looked deeply into his eyes. "It's not important."

"You've been drinking," Dan offered casually.

"Yes," Blair replied theatrically, her eyes widening dramatically. "And you have not been. Are we now, listing acute observations?"

"I'm just curious about your night," Dan answered, trying to keep his inquisition subdued. "Can't I be interested and curious about your night?"

"Of course you can. Can't you also accept how I respond and not have to insist on details?" Blair questioned.

"Is there a particular reason why you're drunk?" Dan ventured lightly. He knew it was a risky question but he gambled asking it anyways.

"Well, obviously, no is the answer to my question," Blair replied, not as outlandishly offended as she might have been if she hadn't been drinking. "And I will have you know that I am an expert when it comes to alcohol. I have the tolerance of a cowboy or a sailor or something of the sort."

Blair had such a serious look on her face, he couldn't help but smirk at her comparison. She was incredibly incapacitating in that moment; she was all dainty curls, dark eyes, sweet lips and faintly resonating aroma.

Her mouth was suddenly on his, interrupting his immurement in her. Her lips pried at his slowly at first, he allowed her to take the lead on the pace of the kiss. Her hands went to the back of his neck, her fingers grazing the hair there. She tasted of pinot noir and peppermint. The urgency with which she kissed him seemed to intensively rapidly. His hands squeezed her bare arms in recognition as her tongue went in search of his, desperately trying to quench her unnatural thirst for him. Dan made a peculiar sound in the back of his throat as she tortuously examined and explored his mouth with her own. Blair turned further into him with her body and suddenly without disconnecting their mouths managed to leverage herself on top of him and straddled his lap, her dress riding up just barely. Dan had no cognitive thought besides her mouth and her hands, which traveled down the front of his chest as they descended towards unfamiliar territory. Her hands paused briefly and then continued their descent. Dan instantly snapped back to reality and pulled away, his breathing and heart rate were both beyond irregular.

"Blair…" Dan whispered breathlessly. "Maybe we should slow down."

"Maybe not." Blair countered, slurring just slightly, as she softly adorned the side of his face and his neck with slow deliberate kisses.

"Bla… Blair, I'm se-" Blair's mouth cut him off mid-word. Capturing his already thoroughly kissed mouth and continuing her prior onslaught of advances on it. His body responded boldly as he continued to battle with his greater more realistic sense and his ultimately exhausting and tumultuous desire for her. Her fingers slipped through the loops of his pants lightly as she still further intensified the kiss. His hands traveled swiftly down her sides and rested on her hips momentarily before they slowly stopped at her thighs, he then realized how dangerously high her dress had risen. She located the beginning of his belt and lightly teased the skin above where his jeans began with the tips of her fingers, catapulting him once again, back into reality. His hands gripped her legs involuntarily as he tore his mouth from hers.

"Blair," Dan almost pleaded like he was being slowly tortured. It took every ounce of human restraint left in him to pull away from her and try to decimate this highly entangled situation. "Blair, stop."

"What?" Blair asked wildly, meeting his eyes. "Why are you stopping me?"

"We can't do this." Dan sighed as he took a deep breath, silently detesting himself for uttering those words.

"Why not?" Blair questioned, her eyes searching his in confusion. She couldn't figure out what she was doing wrong, she knew she was good at this. Of that she was firmly convinced. But he wasn't even allowing her to get started and it baffled her endlessly.

"Because you're drunk." Dan whispered, his eyes full of apologetic intent.

"You're precious, Humphrey. Like a little lamb." Blair softly replied. In her state it came off more condescending than complimentary. Though she had went back and worth in her mind on whether or not she was ready to take this undeniable leap, she had decided she needed to. The almost entire bottle of wine she destroyed had helped her come to that conclusion. She had made it up in her mind she wasn't listening to anything he had to say, any attempt at declining her would be swept swiftly and expertly under a rug. She leaned towards him to close the distance between their mouths once more, but was met with the side of his face, as his hands reluctantly left her legs and clasped both of her wrists, preventing her from continuing her mission of unfastening his pants.

"I'm serious, Blair." Dan spoke sternly. Blair pulled back and looked at him, decidedly astonished. She couldn't believe this. There must be some mistake.

"No," Blair replied firmly. "No."

Dan couldn't look anywhere but her face because anywhere else would have been a dangerous sight for his eyes. He felt completely dissatisfied but knew he had done the proper thing. "Blair, it's just…"

"No," Blair repeated cutting him off swiftly. He gently lifted her off his lap and placed her on the floor in front of him, adjusting her dress by pulling it down. "You can't be serious."

"I'm sorry Blair." Dan offered sincerely, he for a moment felt he had been remiss in denying her because she clearly was hurt.

"But I don't understand," Blair said, her voice strange as her eyes blazed with confusion. She stumbled back away from him. She had no literal comprehension of why they weren't currently tearing each other's clothes off. "Why?"

"You've been drinking an-" Dan started apologetically.

"Wait," Blair cut him off abruptly. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah," Dan lamented loosely.

"Are you kidding me?" Blair's voice raised exponentially. "I'm Blair Waldorf. I am Blair Waldorf and I just got turned down by you, Daniel Humphrey, of all god forsaken people because I was drinking?"

"I just didn't want you to wake up tomorrow and hate me or regret it or…" Dan trailed off, loosing the words he wanted to use that would adequately convey how he really felt and why he had done what he had done. Blair's rage was substantially rising.

"What in the world is happening?" Blair asked furiously. "Did I miss something? Did someone come along and deem you the fucking moral compass of the great state of New York?"

"Blair, calm down." Dan tried to reason with her lightly. In that moment all he wanted to do was hold her but she was far too worked up.

"Oh, calm down?" Blair asked sarcastically, her face mocking his intention. "My apologies Saint Daniel, if I'm offending your delicate sensibilities."

"Blair, stop." Dan repeated, he was starting to feel his temper rise and that wasn't good, he always kept his emotions somewhat in check when hers were a whirlwind being displayed in their entirety. She had this way of arming than disarming him in a matter of mere seconds. Before he could rationalize his thoughts or feelings, he was susceptible to change his mind in a heartbeat.

"You are unbelievable." Blair went on. "Mr. Perfect. Mr. full of all the judgment and distain you can muster. The thought that I would even be interested in that."

"You aren't exceedingly perfect yourself, so let's not throw stones." Dan quipped back briskly. "You're quite out of your mind, really."

"I'm out of my mind?" Blair all but screeched, she gestured to herself as her arms started flailing to aid her impending response. "You're the brilliant one declining vacuous, mind-blowing sex!"

"It wouldn't be vacuous if we slept together." Dan lamented evenly, all the anger that had slowly worked it's way up inside of him suddenly changed to something else, something almost unrecognizable. The thought that she would try to make their first time about a meaningless fling, deeply stabbed him. "It would be anything but."

"Stop ma-" Blair retorted but was quickly cut off.

"I know you've become so accustomed to using people for your own personal gain without considering how you would in the process make them feel but I'm not going to be used as some pawn in whatever test you're implementing or whatever game you regularly take part in. I won't be just a warm body for you to rub against."

Blair's face drained of all its color. Dan instantly wanted to take everything he just uttered back when he saw the look of pure hurt and contempt cloud the features of her face. He hadn't meant to be so cruel and abrasive. He felt instantly ill as he replayed the words he had just so meanly regurgitated towards her.

"So not only am I a drunk but now I'm a slut as well?" Blair asked coolly, the previous flippant nature of her earlier cadence had melted away. This altercation had sobered her up beyond belief.

"No, Blair. That's not what I meant…" Dan tried to backtrack but he knew it was too late.

"I'm a lot of things, Humphrey. But I am not a slut." Blair replied disdainfully. Her jaw was tight with resentment and her eyes cold and still.

"I know, I never me-" Dan was promptly interrupted once again.

"I may be a bitch… I may be insensitive… I may be complicated beyond measure but one thing I am not is a slut." Blair uttered her words with such force and precision.

Dan reached for her quickly, desperately hoping that his touch would alleviate this mess that they had both hand-crafted. Her eyes registered his action as his fingers slowly ran down her arm, when they reached her elbow she briskly snatched her arm away.

"Don't touch me," Blair muttered defiantly.

"Blair, I didn't mean that." Dan said, full of apologetic empathy. "It took every molecule of self-restraint I had in me to deny you just then, but it can't happen like that. And it wouldn't be vacuous, at least not for me. It would be the antithesis of it."

"You think I'm so obviously deplorable, why even put up with me?" Blair insisted, as she turned to head for the door.

"Where are you going?" Dan asked quickly, he suddenly was flooded with panic at the thought of her leaving in the midst of how much he had unintentionally upset her.

"I'm leaving!" Blair shouted, turning towards him briefly to throw him a look of frustration. She continued towards the door with him just a couple steps behind her.

"No, Blair. Wait," Dan pleaded urgently. "Just stay here."

"I am not staying here." Blair retorted as she knelt down swiftly to retrieve her shoes. Dan watched as she struggled to balance and put them on her feet at the same time. Dan racked his mind incessantly trying to access something to say that would convince her to stay. She finally gave up on putting her shoes on and gathered them in her hands with an irritated gasp and continued towards the door.

"Blair, really. I don't think you should leave like this."

"Humphrey, I can take care of myself." Blair insisted angrily.

"Please, just calm down a little bit before you go."

"So, now I don't have the right to be angry after you thoroughly insulted me?" Blair bemused as she flung the doors to the loft open, walking quickly out of them as he followed.

"I'm trying to apologize for that, I was wrong. It came out differently than I had meant it."

"Strange how it's not hard to misinterpret 'I won't be a warm body to placate you with, sorry.'" Blair responded as she descended down the stairs, increasing her pace.

"Blair, stop. I didn't mean that, were you even listening to what I said after that?"

"It doesn't matter Humphrey. You're judgmental and pretentious and I'm humiliated and dejected. Is that what you intended? Because you succeeded."

"Of course not." Dan muttered weakly. He wished she wasn't charging down those steps at such an alarming rate. He didn't want her to leave. Everything inside him was screaming for her to not leave this way, he was terrified she would never come back. "I'm sorry."

They were outside before Blair realized she had told the driver to leave because she hadn't been expecting to go home. No taxi's were in either of their immediate views. Blair was still boiling with disbelief, confusion and shame. This was not at all how she thought they would be spending the night.

"Will you please come back inside?" Dan ventured softly.

"No," Blair countered quickly, her face was set with distinct indifference mixed with overt annoyance. "I'll just wait for a cab."

"I don't want you leave, especially not like this."

"Well, I suppose you can't always get what you want, Humphrey. Goodness knows I didn't want this. My word, you have me in Brooklyn, barefoot and waiting for a taxi. What have I become?"

"Blair, please let's just go back up and we can talk about it. Straighten this out."

"You shouldn't have followed me out here." Blair assessed easily, her emotions wearing a bit thin. "Someone could see us."

"Then let's go back inside." Dan ventured hopefully.

"No," Blair maintained, her eyes were alert though pensive as she looked at him. She was still resoundingly hurt in the pit of her stomach from the things he had said to her. Though to be fair, she hadn't reacted in the most thoughtful or sane manner when he had refused her. But even still that was some of the most hurtful things he'd ever said to her in a very long time. She had become strangely vulnerable to it. He had been such a pristine, caring person to her lately that she almost took it for granted that he too was afforded negative emotions and certain defenses.

"I was being reactive Blair," Dan reasoned lightly, staring into her eyes. He felt terrible about the way he had handled the situation and her throwing her usual, delicately snippy insults in his direction. Usually he didn't respond in such an overtly negative way. He was so raw as if she was hitting an undisclosed nerve repeatedly. "I am so sorry."

Silence pasted over them as she didn't respond. Dan suddenly crouched down on one knee and plucked her shoes from her hand. Carefully intertwining his fingers in hers, using himself as an anchor to steady her as he lifted her right foot with his other hand and easily slid her shoe on. Blair was completely taken aback by the act and momentarily couldn't find her voice to speak, neither in protest or approval. The image of him on one knee made her insides tremble inadvertently, she instantly shook it off when she thought of the implication. Dan placed her other shoe on slowly, his hand touching the delicate part of her ankle a little longer than necessary. That part of her foot tingled lightly as his touch left and he slowly rose. He was standing closer to her than she would have preferred but somehow she couldn't find the will to step back.

"There isn't any need for grand gestures, Humphrey." Blair proclaimed lightly, somehow her tough, cold exterior was dissolving rapidly.

"I'd hardly characterize helping you with your shoes as grand." Dan offered easily, he could see that she was slowly letting the hurt and anger leave her body but he wasn't overwhelming reassured or convinced. Her eyes had a palpable restraint in them that he desperately wanted to distinguish. "Let's just go inside and talk."

"Stop repeating yourself," Blair demanded, though she did it in a whisper. "I don't have the mechanisms or the reasoning right now. I'm exhausted."

Dan stood staring at her. His usual abundance of diction and charm was escaping him. A cab approached as Blair broke their eye contact and raised her hand, hailing it. It stopped once it reached them. Dan reached around her for the door and opened it. Blair slid in the cab without even glancing at him again.

"Goodnight, Blair." Dan said. She responded with silence and nothingness as she continued looking straight ahead.

As the cab drove away, Dan stood and watched it until he could no longer see it off in the distance, desperately hoping he hadn't just made one of the biggest mistakes of his life.

In the cab, Blair silently resented the fact that he had almost successfully extracted her from her valid anger and contrition, similar to what he had managed to do to her denial.


	3. Young and Full Of Running

Author's Note: Here's the newest installment. This is all unraveling to be a lot more content then I had originally intended for this story but I'm just going to go with it. There will probably be 1-2 more parts. Anyways, hope you all enjoy. Please continue to review, it's literal fuel for these crazy ideas in my head. Thanks so much for the continued feedback, it is incredibly appreciated. Oh, and the numbers are in Italian this time.

Otto:

Blair absentmindedly fiddled with her phone, as she sat with her legs crossed at her dinning room table. She slid it away a few inches from her on the table irritatingly then instantly plucked it back up into her hand. She missed him desperately and it stunned and saddened her. He hadn't called her at all in the last 72 hours and that was so unlike him, he was usually the most readily available individual in her life. He had dropped most things and people for her in the last several weeks and the fact that he wasn't calling, not even texting her after their fight seemed abnormal and slightly alarming. On one hand she was still upset about what he had said to her. The words he had used and the look on his face was something she hadn't anticipated, it was incredibly jarring and it still nicked her insides when she recalled it. But then on the other hand she thought about everything she had said to him in her own anger and frustration at being physically denied. She had never experienced the overt denial from a male regarding a sexual engagement and the implications still left her dazed and baffled. Even still, she had hit him rather scathingly with her words so she wasn't a completely innocent party.

She yearned for just the simplicity of him. His calm nature, his direct sarcasm, his delicate eyes. The stubborn streak that was branded within her was fighting her need to call him and reach out to him. It would undoubtedly make her seem weak in a way or maybe, just maybe it would actually make her seem strong enough to push her pride aside. She suddenly had a stupendously sinking feeling in her gut when she thought of her current predicament. She was behaving as if they were actually a couple and it was incredibly unnerving. Her fingers hovered over the screen of her phone, she was entertaining the idea of calling him and saying to hell with it. After going back and forth for the next ten minutes she finally just gave in.

He answered the phone with apparent surprise present in his voice.

"Hey," Dan offered warmly.

"Hi," Blair began. She hadn't even thought about what she was going to say, the need to merely hear his voice had been gripping.

"I didn't," Dan began slowly. He was trying to process that she had been the one to break the silence that had hung in the air for the past couple of days. He truly didn't know how, or if he should, or if he even had the courage to.

"Think I would call?" Blair finished his sentence easily. The mere sound of his voice resonating in her ears made her mood lighter.

"Yeah," Dan said chuckling slightly. He was trying to gather the proper words for what he wanted to say. He'd been racking his brain in the last three days trying to come up with an effective way to adequately express just how remorseful he was about what he had said to her that night and how ridiculously insensitive he had acted for his own self preservation. "I wanted to call you so many times but I didn't…I couldn't. All words are completely unsatisfactory and lack the ability to convey how completely out of line I was and how sorry I am. I wasn't thinking…"

"It's alright." Blair interjected, cutting him off. Hearing him take all the blame for the way the situation had quickly spiraled out of hand made her both appreciative and perplexed.

"No, it's really not Blair. It's so far from okay. I should have handled it differently."

"I should have too." Blair relented. "Believe me, Humphrey I used to shy away from any responsibility in my part of verbally berating someone. But I was instigating you with my insults. I know I was. I was just so stunned."

"I was too." Dan breathed. Hearing her be so candid about their fight and her participation both shocked and awed him. "You were just so furious with me."

"I didn't understand what was happening. I didn't understand why you were stopping me."

"It felt like you were trying to prove something and it scared me. I didn't know where it was coming from and you went from zero to a hundred in a mere moment."

"I do that sometimes." Blair rationalized softly.

"Yes. You do." Dan agreed knowingly. "But it was different somehow and I couldn't pinpoint why."

"I don't know what I'm doing." Blair admitted timidly.

"What do you mean?" Dan asked softly. He suddenly wished they weren't on the phone. He wanted her there, in the loft, in front of him. Within reach.

"This thing, it's progressing and I don't know how to handle it. Half the time I feel like we should just end it so we don't have to handle it."

"Do you think that would be easier?" Dan asked honestly. He was terrified of the answer.

"Maybe initially." Blair admitted, she realized what a tight grip she had on her cell phone as she held it to her ear. She loosened it. "But then it would just be really hard. Because I want to be around you."

"I want to be around you too."

Nove:

Blair had one thing on her mind. His arms. She missed them like she missed the ocean when it had been too long in the city sense she had witnessed it's mastery and greatness. It had only been a couple of days since their fight but she couldn't shake the undoubtedly firm thought of how good it would feel to just be with him. The way he would wrap his arms around her and seemingly block out all other imposing forces. She couldn't wait to revisit their comfort and warmth.

She opened the door gingerly as her anticipation rose distinctively. She almost felt that she might attack him and jump on him when she caught sight of him. He was leaning against the kitchen counter flipping through what looked to be a magazine as she opened the door wider. Her heart sang a quiet song of relief as her eyes settled on him. He looked up from his reading material as he heard her enter. His face softened as their eyes met.

"Hey," Dan stated warmly. He approached her slowly, wondering if he should follow his abundant instinct to wrap his arms around her.

"Hi," Blair replied. She suddenly felt nervous as if she was sixteen again with a silly crush.

Their eyes dueled for a few seconds before he closed the distance between them by reaching his hand out to her and pulling her into him. Her arms instinctively and automatically engulfed him. An unexpected sigh left her mouth as she reveled in his nearness, in the weight of his body. He inhaled her slowly as his arms tightened around her, silently he thanked whatever power that had allowed her to be there in that loft at that moment.

"I'm sorry," Blair whispered as she clung to him.

"No," Dan offered reassuringly as he rubbed her back. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I guess we don't know how to fight fair."

"That's never been my specialty."

Before either of them realized who changed the dynamics of the moment, their lips were locked. Her hands went to his face as she basked in the familiarity and potency of his mouth. His hands gripped her waist firmly as the kiss deepened. She felt as if she was being exquisitely maneuvered, the closeness of their bodies was heightening her already agonizing need for him. Dan was quickly loosing all regard to appropriate pace as her small frame pressed against him. She was the one to cease things before they unraveled this time. She pulled back and looked him in the eyes.

"I suppose it's difficult to have proper make-up relations when we haven't actually had relations." Blair offered lightly as she searched his face, soaking in the adoring way he was looking at her.

"Yet," Dan added sincerely.

"Yet," Blair lamented, the corners of her mouth upturning slightly as the beginnings of a smile started to form.

"Does it bother you?" Dan bemused aloud as he fingered a strand of her hair.

"It's just mildly disconcerting, I guess."

"It's an irreversible act and once it happens…" Dan trailed off. Their eye contact dueled. She had a strange need for him to finish his sentence.

"What?" Blair questioned softly.

"I won't be able to give you up."

Dieci:

Blair reasoned that there was something that most people labeled this unfamiliar phenomenon she was experiencing. This quiet symmetry of balance and distinctive peace. Maybe it was an actual contentment. She felt free and blissful and cared for. When she allowed herself to fully bathe in it, it's authenticity struck her. What was it about him that was so soothing? So intrinsically sustaining. She had made an agreement with herself that she was going to make a conscious effort to derail her own innate propensity to sabotage and just allow whatever was going to happen to take place. Giving that sort of control to the situation was both scary and breathlessly relieving.

"Remember when I hated you?" Blair posed lightly as she looked up at him. He was reading and he immediately stopped to study her. His hand stretching the length of her arm and he squeezed it.

"Of course," Dan replied chuckling. "It really wasn't that long ago."

"Well, in truth it sort of was. I stopped being instinctively opposed to you a long time ago. I just had to keep up appearances."

"Well, I thank whatever possessed that change of heart." Dan replied amused at her frankness.

"It was you. You changed it. You were actually nothing like I thought you were, the bad clothes and location were misgivings." Blair responded honestly.

"Hey, I do not dress badly." Dan replied.

"Ha. Well your style isn't necessarily disastrous but you could use some assistance." Blair stated matter-a-factly.

Dan laughed slightly and momentarily placed his lips softly on the side of her head.

"How do you do that?" He inquisitively questioned.

"What?" Blair asked looking in his eyes.

"Manage to make an insult marginally less of one."

"It's just a gift I guess." Blair sighed. "I suppose my insults have varying degrees."

"I suppose so."

"Besides, you have other redeeming qualities and one's style, or lack thereof can always be improved upon."

"What are these other redeeming qualities?" Dan asked gently, his eyes roaming over her face.

"You always know what to say." Blair started carefully as she studied him.

"Not always." He reasoned lightly.

"Your sarcasm and wit are strong, though no match for mine of course."

"Naturally," Dan smirked.

"You're dependable and good. You're intellectual prowess is substantial. I'm even slightly impressed by some of the things you know because I have a wealth of information."

"Is this about you or is this about me?" Dan teased.

"Your sensitivity and your kindness is staggering." Blair responded sincerely. Her voice went a little softer at that overt admission. She suddenly wondered if she should stop exposing his disarmingly effective qualities. He continued to look at her but stayed silent. "And you aren't too bad to look at, I suppose." She finished, shrugging her shoulders almost dismissively.

"And who says you aren't full of complimentary inclination?" Dan offered sweetly.

"It was a fleeting moment, it has now passed." Blair countered. She wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her head on his chest. Dan sighed, smirking slightly at her verbal proclamations. She was never one for verbally confirming or giving credit where it is so justly due. What she had just divulged had him positively brimming with happiness. He ran his hand down her back and continued reading. They sat there in silence comfortably for a few moments.

"MOMA is having an Andre Derain exhibit next week." Dan pondered aloud.

"I know," Blair responded lightly. "We're going."

Dan wasn't completely convinced he had heard her correctly. He thought maybe it was just an irregular slip of the tongue.

"We, as in?" He questioned half-heartedly.

"As in, you and I." Blair responded.

"Well, I'm sure you've already covered the logistics of arriving and departing." Dan replied quickly.

"I haven't actually. There isn't any need." Blair countered plainly.

"And why's that?" Dan asked expectantly. She couldn't possibly be inferring what he thought. There had to be some catch. Blair pulled away from him slightly and met his eyes. The look on his face was laced with slight confusion and maybe even a glimmer of hope.

"Because we're going together."

Dan's face became a pallet of numerous emotions, displaying one after the other in quick succession. The flickering of all the things that he was feeling showed up explicitly but stayed only briefly.

"Together?" Dan questioned once he had located his voice to form a word.

"Is that okay?"

"Of course." Dan stated quickly. "I guess I'm just…"

"Surprised? Astonished? In disbelief?"

"All of the above." Dan admitted, he rubbed her shoulder assuredly. "But more so, I'm just glad."

"Yeah, me too."

Undici:

Dan had a small suspicion that she would end up calling the entire thing off. He hated that he had to hold on to some small piece of chance that it might not even really happen. Stranger things had happened in the past and Blair ran the gambit on unpredictability. But she didn't. She didn't call their date to MOMA off. On the cab ride over, he half expected her to have a moment of doubt and tell the cab to turn around. Instead she seemed calm and self-assured. She rambled on about the exhibit and how excited she was to see it.

They arrived and entered the museum. Dan had slight trepidation in being in such a public venue with her after everything that was currently going on between them and the new status of their ever-evolving relationship. He thought it better then to reach for her or to stand too close to her even though he felt an unnerving desire to be tactile and familiar. After being there for roughly five minutes she made a verbal observation.

"You look doubtful," Blair offered evenly.

"Do I?" Dan asked. "No, not doubtful. Just careful, I suppose."

They walked slowly through the exhibit. Every now and then they would offer insights and thoughts on the pieces they were seeing. Blair was completely captivated by everything that caught her eye. One painting in particular seemed to really strike her, she stood in absolute silence as she stared at it. Absorbing every nuance and the colors that the artist had used as well as their explicit ferocity. Her face was an immense culmination of wonder and eagerness, each second she noticed and understood something different about the piece.

Dan watched her quietly as she studied the painting with such soundless fascination. Her eyes conveyed such a compounded need to soak the painting and all the artist's intended meaning into her comprehension. Dan found himself absolutely taken by how obviously inundated and captivated she was with the painting. His heart clenched abnormally and he felt himself breeching an even newer and profound level of affinity for her. It was astounding and momentarily took his breath away. She had blocked everything around her out and was focusing solely on the work of art that was in front of her. Being a witness to her intense introspection was somewhat overwhelming.

Blair stumbled out of her whirlwind of a trance and looked back at him. The look on his face was unreadable.

"Are you okay?" Blair asked.

"Yeah, I'm good." Dan muttered reassuringly, wondering if it was obvious how deeply she had unknowingly moved him.

They walked slowly throughout the room, the backs of their hands grazed momentarily and both felt the involuntary need to take the others hand. Dan's fingers flexed inadvertently but he didn't reach for her. More in fear of her reaction and impending rejection of the gesture than anything else, they were in public after all. Yet he was so immensely overcome by her, the desire to reach out to her stayed with him for an elongated period of time.

"Thank you for coming here with me." Blair stated suddenly.

"Thank you for allowing me to." Dan replied, smiling at her softly.


	4. Who Will Drive My Soul?

Author's Note: Well here it is: the final part to this story. I want to take the time to thank every single person who reviewed this story and/or added it to their alerts or favorite stories. It means so much. I can't thank you enough for reading what I write. Oh and keep the DAIR faith! ;)

Doce:

Dan fiddled with a pen in between his two fingers. He had exhausted of trying to extricate his feelings and purpose through the keys of his laptop so he had decided to try a different avenue.

Pen and paper. Straight, direct, unapologetic.

It proved to be of no help to the level of irregularity and congruency of his current thoughts. He had been plagued by a daunting and irrevocable pressure since their first public outing at the museum. It had been there where everything that he had already felt so abundantly for Blair had shifted. It had changed dramatically. To the point that when he sat quiet and still with the notion, it made him instantly simultaneously ill and reverently free.

An oxymoron. An ironic inconsistency.

He closed his eyes and rubbed his temples firmly as he held the pen gingerly. He couldn't believe he had allowed himself to get to this place with her. He knew he felt deeply for her and had been astutely aware of it for quite some time but this was a whole new level of intensity and he couldn't fully wrap his mind around it. He glanced over at her sleeping form, his eyes catching sight of the outline of her legs, leading up to the subtle curve of her hips, wrapped up in his covers. The mere slight dip of her back made his mind rattle unnervingly. Her breath was even and deep in her slumber. He zeroed in on the sound and it held him as he listened to it directly. He wondered if there was a way to dissemble himself from the distinct and increasingly dangerous hold she had on his heart.

Maybe she had been right, maybe they shouldn't be spending most waking, and some sleeping moments in the crux of each others company. Maybe this was more than they both could handle with sound minds and good intentions, maybe it was too much for him to bear. The level of inherent attachment that he was starting to be consumed with both worried and frightened him.

She had been strangely consistent since their outing to the museum. No over-the-top meltdowns, no obvious underhanded attempts at self-sabotage. She had been free and honest and even had a renewed vibrancy. But he couldn't help but flip through the possible ways they could fall apart at her hands. It made him both irritated and sad that he felt he couldn't completely trust her with his heart. But she had put up such a deliberate fight at times, in the beginning. Was she really over the influx of doubt that would course through her veins and erupt forcefully in its verbal form from her mouth?

Maybe it was just his turn for uncertainty and hesitance, he had been so busy convincing her to extinguish her own that he never really gave any actual thought to the possibility that he harbored his own set of doubts and worries where she was concerned. There was no real guarantees when it came to the way she would handle certain situations or how she would react but then again there were never guarantees in relationships at all. He really didn't want to get even closer to her, or continue to feel as deeply for her as he did, just to have her one day decide that she really didn't want him.

That he was just a test, a moment in time, a blimp on the radar, a minor inconvenience in the grand scale of her life.

He had to mean more to her than just that. It would wreck him substantially to think that they would only amount to regrets and broken hearts. These thoughts jumped and skipped as he thought about their impending lovemaking. They hadn't actually sealed the deal yet, though there had been two rather close calls. They hadn't officially breached into unforeseen territory in that regard. That thought alone almost paralyzed his breath. He subconsciously knew that the logical and cynical part of his brain was preventing him from taking that irreversible step with her because he was racked with his own quiet insecurities.

Blair stirred lightly beside him. He glanced at her sleep laden form and bit the inside of his mouth, wondering if the volume of his thoughts had in some way reached her and shaken her from her sleep. He forcefully shoved his tumultuous garden of introspection down. Blair turned over lazily and opened her sleepy brown eyes which caught sight of his tired ones as she gazed up at him.

"What's wrong?" Blair whispered, her voice thick with sleep. She reached out her hand to him and gently caressed his arm.

"Nothing," Dan offered. "I didn't mean to wake you, I was writing."

"No, it's fine." Blair propped herself up in the bed and laid her head on his shoulder, her arms sliding loosely around his waist.

"What are you writing about?" Blair asked softly as she glanced at the blank piece of paper in front of him.

"I was moreso in the brainstorming phase." Dan lamented sighing deeply.

"Yeah, well it looks that way." Blair teased lightly.

"My thoughts didn't want to materialize correctly, they're just stuck in my head."

"What are they?" Blair pondered aloud, she suddenly had an overt curiosity of what was consuming his mind space that he couldn't extract and write down.

"What is what?" Dan asked back absentmindedly. It was almost as if he hadn't heard the question correctly.

"What are these thoughts of yours?" Blair asked as she looked up at him, studying the frame of his profile, the sight of his jaw at that angle made her inadvertently lose her train of thought.

"I think we should start telling people that we're seeing each other." Dan stated.

"Why is that important?" Blair countered, resting her chin on his shoulder lightly.

"Because I want the people who care about us to know that we're happy."

"You don't think they know you're happy?" Blair asked. "Being with me doesn't need to be validation for them, it serves that purpose for only you. Why are you so concerned with people knowing? It's mildly possessive."

"It's not possessive Blair," Dan reasoned lightly as his head continued to fork through scenarios. "It's full disclosure. It's being proud. It's being able to have lunch at Le Cirque."

"It isn't anyone's business," Blair maintained. "I don't want to feel like I have to explain our relationship to people."

"We can't hide in this loft forever, Blair." Dan reasoned. "It's not normal."

"We've been out of the loft together, Humphrey." Blair replied. "Small victories."

"Blair we really should tell the people we're close to." Dan maintained lightly, he reached for one of her arms casually.

"I don't want to fight about this Humphrey." Blair whispered, she knew on some level that he had a point. She understood his need to bring their relationship to the light in even a minimal capacity.

"This isn't fighting Blair." Dan muttered softly. "We're simply having a discussion."

"Well, it's an ill-advised one." Blair replied. She felt her barriers breaking down despite her verbal affirmations. She wanted to hold on to some semblance of control and discreetness but his need for varying forms of confirmations slighted her, even just a little.

"What about just our parents?" Dan asked hopefully.

"My mother doesn't care who I`m dating, Humphrey." Blair responded. "And if you tell your father, he will most definitely tell Lily, which means Serena will hear about it within the hour."

"Well maybe that's not a horrible thing," Dan acquiesced. "She is your best friend, I'm her ex-" Blair swiftly interrupted.

"Ex- boyfriend? Love of her life? The guy who she manages to always come back to? A constant and sustaining force in her heart?" Blair quipped, her anxiety was rising slowly from the pores of her skin.

"Blair…" Dan warned, he didn't want this to turn into an argument about Serena.

"I'm not trying to fight with you about it." Blair maintained. "I just don't want to have to have that conversation with her. And I really don't want you to have that conversation with her."

"Why not?" Dan pondered out loud as he shifted and looked her in her eyes. She was full of sleepy angelic decorum. It made his heart clamp between his lungs in his chest.

"Because her perfect hair and perfect mouth and perfect chest may sway you." Blair answered seriously.

"You think so?" Dan questioned, half curious about her impending response. He wasn't even actually entertaining the possibility of that happening. It was her striking vulnerability that made him feel momentarily at ease with his own. Blair didn't respond. Her dark eyes searched his, she was trying to read the implications of that question. The lack of inflection in his tone gave no adequate indictor of how he had intended it.

Was he teasing her? Was it rhetorical? Was he serious?

"I highly doubt it." Dan proclaimed seriously, as his eyes bore into hers. The elegance and firmness in which he delivered that line reached deep down inside her subconscious and squeezed it.

Dan reached both hands up to her cheeks and softly placed delicate kisses on either side of her face before pulling back and locking eyes with her once more.

"Give me an inch here, Waldorf." Dan whispered as he studied her. Blair maintained their eye contact before dropping it briskly. She looked around his bedroom, her eyes darting from object to object, like she was in a quiet search for something she desperately needed to locate. She felt herself giving way to him but she wanted to keep as much of a level head regarding the situation as she could grasp. "You should tell Chuck."

The sound of that name surged her into reality with a clear distinction. Her eyelids closed momentarily as she took a deep breath.

"I don't want to talk about telling Chuck anything." Blair countered. "He truthfully doesn't deserve to know what I had for breakfast this morning, let alone who I'm seeing."

"I don't disagree with that entirely but don't you think telling him would disengage his disastrous preoccupation with you?" Dan ventured. He knew they were reaching rather dicey and unknown ground, they never talked about Chuck. They would discuss Serena a thousand times over but rarely did either of them mention Chuck's name.

"I don't want to talk about him." Blair responded almost indignantly. Dan sat silently, his already imbalanced insecurities where their relationship was concerned were hanging loosely in the folds of his uncertainty.

He didn't want to push her, he didn't want to pull her, he didn't want to prod her or poke her. He didn't want her to be coaxed into saying the right things. But part of him needed her to. So desperately. He needed to hear that he wasn't a mere substitute for someone she believed would always be better suited for her.

He wasn't sure how literary proficiency and artistic appreciation held up against an empire and social status.

"Can we just go to sleep?" Blair asked softly, breaking into his never ending train of thought. She could tell he was torturing himself in that slow, methodical and silent type of way.

"Of course," Dan whispered as he kissed her on the forehead.

As they sank into bed and wrapped their arms around each other, Blair's head resting on his chest, her face in his neck. His arms grasping her snuggly around her shoulders and back. She felt the soothing rapid pulse of his heartbeat in his chest.

Dan took a deep breath and focused entirely on the nearness of her. On the give and take of her body, the rise and fall of her essence. He reminded himself of the most ungovernable force that glued them together at the seams, their insurmountable attraction and their innate emotional energy that wouldn't be ignored.

"Dan," Blair whispered as she inhaled his closeness.

"Hmm?" Dan mumbled as he rubbed her back lightly.

"You're really important to me."

He was so stunned he didn't even have a verbal response. But by the way he tightened his hold on her, she knew he had whole-heartedly received that admission.

Trece:

Blair sifted through Dan's monstrous DVD collection looking for one movie in particular.

"You are going to seriously owe me if you got my hopes up around you 'possibly' having a copy of L`Atalante." Blair sighed as she continued looking for the film.

"I swear, it's in there somewhere." Dan replied convincingly, with the level of anxiety he was feeling he was grateful that she seemed so engrossed in locating the DVD.

He knew they probably wouldn't get around to actually watching it because he had made a conscious decision that they needed to have a mandatory and serious conversation. And they were going to have it tonight. There was no literal way around it.

Things needed to be said explicitly. No more reading between the lines. No more subtle inferences.

"Actually, can I talk to you for a minute?" Dan ventured lightly, as he looked up at her sorting through his vast movie collection.

"Yeah, just let me find it first…"

"I'll even help you look for it, if you just stop for a second." Dan bargained, hoping to sound more carefree and lighthearted then he actually felt.

"If you told me you have L'Atalante as some ploy I will not be pleased." Blair exclaimed dramatically.

"Blair…" Dan started, his voice was heavy with his imminent declarations.

"Humphrey…" Blair responded as she turned to look at him. The look on his face cautioned her against finishing an explicably sarcastic remark that was dancing on the tip of her tongue. "I'm listening."

"What do you want Blair?" Dan questioned plainly. He had practiced a more purposeful and slightly less vague introduction to the conversation but somehow lost it on the floor along with some of his courage.

"Right now?" Blair countered quizzically. "Right now I want to watch easily one of the most exquisite French made films and marvel at its brilliance."

Dan felt the involuntary tug of the corners of his mouth as a small chuckle threatened to leave his lips. He gathered a hold of his immediate knee-jerk reaction and cleared his throat.

"Blair, what do you want from me? From us? From this relationship?"

"Are you asking me what my expectations are for this relationship? You sound like my father would sound regarding a man trying to change my last name." Blair bemused matter-of-factly. She knew she was being rather difficult but it was a natural typical reaction for her.

"Could you maybe refrain from the overt use of snark for the duration of this specific conversation?" Dan posed seriously. She could tell by the look on his face that he was struggling with this.

"You're right. Okay. Why are you asking me this?" Blair inferred.

"Because you challenge me and you're interesting and witty and insane and gorgeous as hell but I need you to tell me what you want. What this is. I need you to tell me something. Tell me anything." Dan exclaimed.

"I want us to keep doing what we're doing. I've told you I want to be around you." Blair replied, she moved closer to him.

"I'm going to be honest with you. I feel a little out of control." Dan admitted as he absentmindedly ran his hand through his hair.

"Why?" Blair questioned. It was a silly question because she could understand the sudden culmination of underlying feelings of inadequacy and doubt, she had herself experienced such feelings, although more explicitly.

"I feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. Things are going so wonderfully right now and I'm just… I'm just scared that you're going to wake up one day and change your mind." Dan divulged in a rush, speedily the words fell from his mouth.

Blair was rendered temporarily speechless which was a hard thing to comprehend. She always had something to say, even if it was unkind or inappropriate. She finally found her voice. She looked down at his sitting frame in front of her and felt an immediate impulse to comfort him.

"You should trust it," Blair replied as she sat next to him on the couch. "You should trust what we have. I fought it for awhile, but I trust it now and you should too."

"I know," Dan nodded as he gazed into her eyes. He took a deep breath and shook his head lightly as if he was trying to rid himself of his erratic cumbersome thoughts. "I want to, I really do. But sometimes I feel like it's too good to be true, like you're going to suddenly decide that I'm just a detour to your ultimate destination."

Blair broke eye contact with him suddenly for a moment instantly knowing what that meant. Who that meant.

"Meaning Chuck," Blair relented.

"Yes, Blair. I mean Chuck, the elephant in the room. The person you've been dancing around discussing."

"I don't really have anything to say about him." Blair replied.

"Really? I find that hard to believe, as long as I've known you, you've been tied to him in some way, shape or form. You think I don't think about that? You think that doesn't weigh on my mind? You don't think it tortures me wondering if you're still in love with him?"

"I'm in love with the idea of him, Humphrey. And I'm falling further away from that sentiment as the days go by."

"I hope so," Dan breathed as he tried to assess whether she was being forthright with him, or just simply telling him what he wanted to hear.

"You're incredibly noble, Daniel Humphrey." Blair began. "You're the complete antithesis of him."

Dan studied her silently after that statement, sort of basking in the way that it made him feel. Maybe she really was coming out of the fantasy induced rhetoric that she had spewed so incessantly where Chuck was concerned. Maybe she was getting past it.

"I can't say that I fault you for your uncertainty when I still have some of my own." Blair admitted candidly. "Sometimes I'm so unsure. There are times when we're having simple conversation or even times when it's completely silent and I look at you and I'm instantly rendered speechless, because in those moments I realize how deeply I feel for you and it haunts me. I don't know that I have a place for it. I don't know where to keep it."

Blair felt the wind getting knocked out of her as she finished her blatant confession. She didn't know what had possessed her to reveal so much but she did so unintentionally. She felt a proverbial lump rising in her throat as unexpected emotion tried to suffocate her. Her eyes broke away from his shocked ones and she stared down at her hands as she bit her lip to keep herself from unraveling further right in front of him.

"I'm sorry," Blair mumbled. "I've said too much."

Dan instantly grabbed her arm before she could retract from him. His eyes trying desperately to catch hers, he reached up to cradle her face with his hands and her eyes finally met his. She felt the beginnings of tears formulating in the backs of her eyes, the wave of emotion rushed over her in an inexplicable way.

"No, no… you could never say too much." Dan assured her softly. He was taken aback from the apparent reaction she was having to her own statement. "You're trembling."

"I'm okay," Blair tried to reason, still fighting an almighty battle within herself to allow him to know just how deeply she did feel about him. This wasn't something she had great experience with. The last time she felt this way, her heart was stomped on repeatedly and its mangled remains were handed back to her carelessly.

"Why are you crying?" Dan asked softly, gently wiping the tears that had fallen down her face with the tips of his fingers.

"I'm fine, I am." Blair replied, taking a deep breath and trying to regain her composure. "I'm just overwhelmed."

Dan understood completely because he felt the same way. It hadn't manifested itself as tears but seeing her so emotional did cause a similar reaction in him. His throat grew tight, he cleared it swiftly.

"Can I ask you a question?" Dan posed gently, his eyes never leaving hers.

"Of course," Blair answered with a nod.

"Will you allow me to love you?" Dan whispered, barely getting the words out.

"That won't be difficult to do." Blair replied, her emotions rising again as she closed the small distance between them and eased into his arms.

A small smile peaked through on both of their faces as they realized the magnitude of that moment. They were going to be together. No matter the obstacles, no matter the doubts or the fears.

What they had was unflinching and unwavering.

And they were ready.


End file.
